Jun. 24, 2005 - 10:34 a.m.
I currently have two roommates who like to go out to the back porch to smoke, and they roll their eyes while I admonish them for keeping the door open a little too long.
"Bugs! You're letting bugs in!"
But they didn't have to deal with a huge cricket in the shower with them at 6:30 in the morning.
As usual I wasn't wearing my glasses so all I saw was this wicked huge bug crawling up my leg which promptly drove me to FREAK THE FUCK OUT!
I'm not sure if I screamed as loud as it felt like. I�m not sure me banging around the shower alternately trying to get away from it, trying to get it out of the shower and trying to kill it seemed as loud or life threatening as they did in the confines of the small bathroom, sure as hell didn�t wake up any of my heavy sleep�n roommates. I could�ve died in there! Damn those things can jump! Mind you the whole time I was still thinking that this was a great leaping poisonous Amazonian spider that somehow immigrated to the DC area. The shampoo suds slipping into my eyes didn�t help things either. I finally caught the bugger between the shower curtain and the tub and squished its ever loving life out of it.
Scooping out its poor lifeless body with a huge wad of toilet paper was when I realized that it wasn�t the Leaping Amazonian Death spider (or LAD as they are affectionately known), but a lowly cricket who was probably just trying to serenade me with a lovely song full of peace and happiness.
I�m sorry Mr. �I Want To Teach The World To Sing, Please Don�t Squish Me� Cricket. If I had known it was you I would not have burst your eardrums with my screeching, nor would I have killed you. But you should not have decided to serenade me in the shower at 6:30am. And you definitely should�ve made you presence known in a less disturbing manner than by crawling up my leg. A nice simple serenade while I was sitting on the toilet just moments before would�ve saved everyone involved a lot of grief. You would be enjoying the nice sunshine and tasty leaves offered in the safe environs of the ivy outside of front door, instead of being squished between layers of toilet paper inside our garbage can.
I am very sorry.
More so since you are considered very lucky in some cultures and to kill you is bad luck.
Which is just what I need.
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