Apr. 03, 2006 - 4:00 p.m.
I saw the movie crash last night and I learned some new things. One. If you are a cop in LA you will become a racist pig, kill a guy you think is being threatening for no apparent reason and then you will torch your car for kids to play around. Two. Invisible fairy cloaks really can protect you from a bullet!!! I really gotz to get me one of those. Three. That racism will be cured one person at a time when that person�s life is saved by the person of that particular race that you hate. Four. Your evil American daughter will buy blanks for your gun because she can see the future where you will almost shoot a guy and his daughter for no other apparent reason other than the fact that he did his job, though the real reason she bought the blank bullets was because you can�t read english and she likes to make fun of you. Five. That Paul Haggis believes that everything will turn out ok when the snow comes and covers everything in a nice WHITE blanket. (oh god that was soooo funny). Six. That you can write a crappy screenplay but get numerous awards for it because it is �controversal� ooo. Seven. There is no way in hell that I�m ever going to Los Angles. It is filled with a bunch of racists who like to argue and go off on self righteous monologues. I can get enough of that here and I can walk to my nearest pub!
I really wanted to like it. Really I did. But, dear god, the movie sucked. I�m not happy about that. It sucked soo bad it made me mad! I knew within the first five minutes what would happen in each situation that presented itself through out the movie. I knew it would be Don Cheadle�s brother whose sneaker was found at the beginning. (ok, that might�ve taken longer then five minutes, but as soon as I found out that he had a brother I knew it was his sneaker).
God. I think Paul Haggis was sitting around watching the Patriot one day, eating white rice. (possibly Uncle Ben�s?) Watching the scene were the racist white guy gets saved by the former slave. And then the racist guy realizes that blacks aren�t bad, they might even save you! (god, isn�t that racist itself? The only reason to like people of other races are because they might save your life?). And so Paul is there eating his rice and he gets an idea � What if I make a whole movie about racist people getting saved or helped by the people they are most racist about??? People will then learn to get along by watching other people
Though to be honest. Thandie Newton�s (how awesome is that name?) character and the latino guy with daughter�s character had every right to fear the molesting cop and the gun toting weirdo respectively. By the way, the scene with the latino talking to his daughter was super cute!
So why did I keep watching it if I hated it so much? Well, because of Don Cheadle. I would watch him do almost anything. (though did we really need the scene with him having sex with his partner which turned into yet another racist fueled argument). And also Terrance Howard. God he is soo good. In everything. Seriously, what else do these actors have to prove to get better movies for them? What I think was going through Terrance�s mind when he read the script �Mmmm. Weeeellll. At least I get to play a rich racial stereotype, rather then just playing another poor racial stereotype in a crappy movie no one will see. And Thandie Newton is HOT!!!! Why can�t I just play a normal person? Oh, well Crash it is�Thandie is hot�.�
Oh lord. I think I�m becoming cynical in my later years. Perhaps I shouldn�t�ve seen Ghost World before it. That was a decent movie. It was one of those movies that I like more as I think about it. Though I really do hate cooler than thou teenagers. You totally can�t be cooler than thou until your twenties you bastards!!!!
god. I think bastards has become my new favorite swear word.
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