Jun. 28, 2005 - 10:50 a.m.
Ok, I have seen some really crappy movies in my time, (Daredevil, I�m looking at you!), and usually I can find something redeemable in those movies. And there are some movies I�ve seen that are so bad they are good, yes I�m talking to you The Quick and the Dead, because they have some redeemable qualities. These are usually cute guys whose presence can distract me long enough that I forget how crappy the movie was. I�m sorry Troy, but even the appearance of Sean Bean and Eric Bana could not save your sorry ass. Especially since you killed Eric Bana off and hardly ever showed Seanie baby. Some crappy movies are crappy because the dialogue is crap and makes me think affectionately of my extremely shitty attempts at writing in my passionate teen years, such as The Phantom Menace and The Clone Wars. Still other crappy movies can be made less so stinky if they give you really good fight scenes which, come on! Are really the only reasons to see movies anyways.
But then you have the extremely crappy movies that you want to like. You try very very hard to like. To find something redeemable in it that makes up for the 2 hours lost sitting on your bum eating popcorn while the images assault your senses. But no matter how hard you try it is just not possible.
And you try even harder when you know one of the people who made this piece of, oh god! I cannot think of a worthy word for it, so suffice it to say it say if there was a hall of fame for crappy movies in Troy, NY it would be found outside in the dumpster. Smashed to bits. And even the rats wouldn�t take a second look at it.
(yes Troy, NY is as crappy as Troy the movie only in city form)
I feel extremely bad for hating this movie, mostly because the director of photography is the long standing boyfriend of one of my friends. And because I know it took him very long to do it and he was extremely proud of it.
While I was watching it all I could think of was �I have to find something I liked about this movie just in case I run into Erin on my way out the door. I have to find something. Something. Something.� It kind of became my mantra during the movie, and became the only reason I didn�t pretend like I was sick and run out of the movie theater holding my stomach and making fake puking sounds. Which is usually how I get out of horrible situations. (you may laugh, but it works�so does saying that you REALLY have to go to the bathroom)
The writing was horrible, the story had too many subplots that were never explored, the characters hardly developed and you could tell that some 20 year old boy, without much experience, wrote it. It�s the type of writing where I think �If this is getting published, I can get published!� Which could be considered a good thing in the round about way that it may actually make me get off my duff and write again.
The lighting was for crap, and I�m not sure if it was the film projector or if it was the film itself but it kept bouncing. The sound was mostly crap too.
The one saving grace though, the only thing I could�ve possibly held up to the director of photography as being worthy of compliment was one pan shot going from one woman flossing her teeth around the bathroom to another woman hiding in the bottom of the shower shot from above. I don�t know how they did it. But the lighting was perfect. The contrasts where beautiful. And the image of a beautiful black girl scared and trembling at the bottom of a white tub trying not to move or make any sound, hoping not to be discovered by the �girlfriend� was one that could take him far, if only he could do more of them. But other than that every shot was painful. (except the actor did get shot in the end so that can be considered a good thing as well, though again, the hit men didn�t use silencers like any other hit man worth his salt would�ve done.)
The only way to survive a crappy movie like this is to make snarky comments about it to your friend. But sadly since it was a premiere and we were surrounded by friends and family of the production team and actors, we couldn�t really snark too much.
And after that horrible experience all I have to say is thank you Super Beth B for going through this with me. I�m sorry I made you sit there and watch it and I�m sorry I got you lost on the way there. (though I think the movie would�ve been better if it WAS at his grandmother�s house.)
You have truly lived up to your name.
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